this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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