you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
