Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
