i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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