if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
