I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
