Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
