I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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