Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
