Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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