I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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