But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
