i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
