Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
