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I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
