chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
