And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
