The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
