What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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