Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
