Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
