Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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