So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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