we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
