apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
