you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Houston, we have a blender
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We have started to decorate penises.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
