I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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