Whod you bang
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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