plz talk dirty to me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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