I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
