I think i peed on brittanys purse
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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