So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
