i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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