I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
