how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
