i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
