My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i will never coherently bang her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
