apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
