Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
