i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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