clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
