I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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