you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
