I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
