the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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