haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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