Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
