I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
