You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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