i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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