Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
