my vag is so smooth its legendary
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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