btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
