that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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